May Palacpac, Storyteller

In 2017, our eldest son, Pablo, was picked among hundreds of young male auditionees to play Young Simba in the Asian tour of The Lion King musical. He was one of the 6 Filipino kids who made it through the auditions and we were looking forward to him experiencing traveling to other countries to perform.

But just before rehearsals commenced, Pablo was let go. Someone had informed the Michael Cassel Group, the producers of the tour, that his voice was changing and that he might no longer be able to deliver vocally for the role.

And they were right.

In fact, Pablo could barely make it through the last two weeks of the Matilda run. His part – Nigel – had this big note that he just couldn’t hit no matter how hard he and his mentors worked. So in the end, they gave him a note that he could do in harmony with another boy in the show and as far as I know, that’s pretty much a cardinal offense in musical theater.

When he was taken out of Lion King, Bobby Garcia, his director in Kinky Boots (and Matilda), asked him to reprise his role as Young Simon/Young Lola for the show’s rerun. And even then, he had to use an unimpressive falsetto to get through the two week run.

It was clear after that production that it was time for Pablo to rest it off and let nature take its course on his pipes.

Puberty pains

Puberty came early for Pablo, and his voice had already started cracking even during the Matilda auditions. As his mother, I knew I should have considered the onset of the voice change, but I told myself that the panelists were experts and would be able to assess him and decide whether he could still do it. You see, I never went through voice changes. It’s not typical among girls.

But maybe the panelists had hoped, just as I had, and so he made it through casting and into the media announcements.

Unfortunately, our hopes were dashed, his voice just couldn’t keep up anymore and he had to be let go.

Before you judge me for letting him audition despite the obvious onset of puberty on his vocals, perhaps you should know that the tour, being international in its nature, would take my son to places like Singapore and Korea. Something we couldn’t simply provide our children. He would have experienced working with professional stage actors and production staff from, if I remember correctly, 33 or 34 countries. For homeschooling families, that is gold!

Pablo wanted it very much — and we wanted it for him.

Pablo losing the role and the tour altogether was probably one of the most painful things we’ve gone through as a family. What was difficult was to witness our child’s world come crashing down on him, see him through his heartbreak and if I may be honest, see the sense of humiliation he had to go through.

His name was already included in the announcements about the upcoming production in major news websites, a lot of people knew he was going to be Simba, he’s been congratulated and celebrated. People in church came up to him to ask him what his schedules were even after he was released. And it went on for months!

You see, it’s easy to reach so many people with good news, but harder to break the opposite online. It’s not something you want people to talk about behind your child’s back so you don’t want to just put it out there.

Hush and Whispers

And the first leg of the tour was in Manila, so posters and billboards were all over the metro. On social media, his friends who stayed on as Simbas and Nalas were posting about their costume fittings and other LK preparations, and so were their parents. There was no escaping it!

We wanted to be happy for them. We held no grudge towards any of his friends, of course not! – hey, they all deserved it — nor their parents; but let’s be real, we were hurting and needed some time away to heal and recover.

No Onions allowed!

There were whispers, you can’t avoid that.

The thing about theater is that you need to be tough enough to take on such experiences because it can happen to anyone at any time. You can’t be onion about it.

It was just that my son was only 12 and relatively new to the industry, so was quite a punch-in-the-gut to go through, and it took us, me specifically, some time to get over it.

I’ve had my fair share of rejections as a struggling performer, so you’d think I’d know exactly how to guide my own child through it. But as a mother, it’s never easy to watch your child face the same heartaches. You know it’s part of the journey, but when it actually happens, it still feels like fumbling in the dark—no amount of experience truly prepares you for it.

Blame game

I just couldn’t make sense of it all.

I mean, objectively, I understood why they had to let Pablo go. The issue I had was with God. He knew how painful my journey was, how I’ve given it literally blood, sweat and tears trying to make it in the industry. Why couldn’t He spare my son from the pain?

I even asked myself if the lesson was for me and my son just got caught in between. Was it my fault?

It was more or less 15 years of my youth, I’m pretty sure that with this experience, God had exposed to me my heart as it’s become evident that I haven’t been over my rejections yet.

So I wondered, was He bringing this up at the expense of my son? Was it my fault?

9 years later

For nine full years, I let my bitterness consume me. I just couldn’t make it not about me. and quite frankly, I questioned where I stood in His favor.

“I thought I was the apple of your eye???”

But gradually, I started to understand and learn the lessons we were being taught.

As the old saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

If there was one thing that stood out from the loss of Simba was that nothing was permanent. The LORD gives and He can take away (Job 1:21). We can’t let ourselves get stuck on one thing. We should be ready to let go any time God says let go. (Matthew 6:19)

Who was it that said life with Christ is like riding a rollercoaster? There are twists, turns, and plenty of stomach-churning moments—and the best thing you can do is let go, trust Him, and enjoy the ride.

If Pablo had stayed on with The Lion King, we would’ve easily slipped into that project-after-project mindset once we got back from the tour. We were weak like that. We would’ve fallen into that cycle of feeling pressured for Pablo to “maintain career status.” We would’ve tried to control the outcomes!

Looking back now, I think we did get caught in that cycle for a while. But I’m grateful we’ve shaken off that funk—by God’s grace.

Back in theater, but out again

In 2024, Pablo re-auditioned for theater and made it to the final four in the running for the lead. He didn’t get it, but he was given a place in the ensemble which he thoroughly enjoyed.

He would have continued on, but the door opened for Pablo to train intensively with renowned dance coaches at STEPS.

It was an unexpected opportunity—he was actually over the age limit for auditions. When he sent that email, he was fully ready to hang his coat if he did not hear back from them. We prayed hard!

Praise God, they showed him compassion and gave him a chance to audition. Both Pablo and Lukas were granted full scholarships, which they’re working incredibly hard to keep.

Paying the price

But it also meant withdrawing from any other commitment that would conflict with their training schedule.

And since the performing arts industry is really what he sees himself doing in the future, Pablo decided that it was best to withdraw from the next production, and respectfully turn down offers for VTRs, voice acting and other paid gigs that started rolling in. Our distance from the studio made it impossible to entertain any of that. It’s a sacrifice he was willing to make and we support him on it – 100%.

(READ: When your son decides for his future)

He also said that he wants to review for GED and earn his high school certificate, and I was happy about that.

As I have often wrote about in the past, we are open to our kids not going to college, but we do value education, still. Just not in the traditional sense. But a transcript and a certificate that would indicate he completed high school could open for them other options in the future, should they decide to shift gears.

The Pablo from 9 years ago would not have made this decision, especially at this time when there are so many open auditions for both local and international musicals. But I’m proud of him for considering his long term options over short term accomplishments.

He would have made it into a show or two after his last one, but then, what’s next?

There are no crash courses for careers in dance. You either give it your all or you don’t at all. And to our son, he feels that the dues he has to pay are worth it despite no offered guarantees.

In roads uncertain…

As his parents, we will do our best to prepare and equip Pablo and his brothers to have the courage and confidence for his lifetime ahead, in the best way we know how.

Just like Caleb and Joshua, we choose to set our eyes on the Promise-keeper, over the sight of giants that roam the land. (Numbers 13: 27-30)

Will there be a spot for him in theater when he comes back? We’ll see.

Will he become a successful dancer? We’ll see.

Will he be invited by a company when he graduates from STEPS? We’ll see.

Will he be able to dance with companies abroad despite the challenges of his height and built? We’ll see.

Will he be a successful choreographer in the future? We’ll see.

Will he have the income that will support the lifestyle he dreams of? We’ll see.

Even when the landscapes look uncertain, even if the path isn’t linear nor predictable, what we know is that our God who holds the future is in control.

Everything will be alright.